School of Duels
by xRJLupinx
Summary: A CoS version of 'School of Rock'. When Lockhart discovers Harry and Draco are potential duelers, he stops teaching DADA and turns the subject into dueling. Their class is going to lead his new Dueling Club, but will it be more of a hazard than a help?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: Hi everyone. I started writing this fic something in..er... I think it was around March 2004. Yes, a while ago. My writing's changed a bit since then, and I've left this piece exactly as it is when I wrote it before. This chapter is rather very reminiscent of CoS and 'School of Rock' at the same time which I apologize for. I think I did that to set up the story. Can't remember. You'll have to get a Time-Turner and ask what I was thinking when I wrote this in 7th grade. Ah, and another thing, I took the liberty of havingGryffindors and Slytherins in the same DADA class for the plot, and this fic was written before Blaise Zabini was confirmed to be aboy, so he's actually a girl in this fic. Sorry, Blaise!

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**_School Of Duels_**

"Welcome to Defense Against the Dark Arts!" Gilderoy Lockhart greeted his second year Gryffindor and Slytherin class. "And let me introduce you to your teacher: Me! Yes, I, Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile Award, am your teacher. And I must say that I'm sure to do better than that Quirrell fellow, eh?" He grinned at them.

Hermione Granger nodded at him eagerly, and seeing the sight of it, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley groaned.

"Now then, the first thing we will do is have a little quiz about my books. Don't worry, it's only to see how well you've read them!" Lockhart announced, passing out quizzes. Once he had passed them all out, he stood back at the front of the room. "Any questions before we start?"

"Yeah," called out Ron, who was flipping through the pages of the quiz and skimming through the questions. "Why is this all about you? Isn't it supposed to be about the Dark Arts?"

"It _is_ about the Dark Arts!" Lockhart contradicted. "Thirty minutes! Start!"

During the next half hour, the students poured over the quiz. When the half hour passed (which was to most of the students' joy), Lockhart collected the papers.

"Before I look through the quizzes, let's just have you tell me some of the answers offhand! Who knows what my secret ambition is?" Lockhart asked. "How about you, miss?"

Hermione straightened up. "To rid the world of evil and market your own range of hair-care potions."

"Yes!" Lockhart cheered. "And who knows why?"

It was a rare thing to see Draco Malfoy raise his hand, but he did so and snickered. Without waiting to be called on, he said, "Because you have a poor self-conception of your hair and think that it will only look better if you pour a bunch of magical ingredients in it!"

"No…" said Lockhart. "Let's try again. You, sir?"

"Because you want to make a revelation in Professor Snape's life?" Dean Thomas suggested, causing the Gryffindors to laugh.

"Not quite," said Lockhart. "One more guess. Yes, you?"

"Because the only way to rid the world of evil is to beautify it and make the world fabulous!" exclaimed Neville Longbottom.

"Hmm. Well, I was thinking something like that. So, on to business!" Lockhart clapped. "Now, the first topic for discussion: Me! We'll talking all about a vampire that hasn't been able to eat anything but lettuce since I dealt with him!"

"Professor?" Hermione asked, raising her hand into the air. "It's not that I have a problem with talking about you, it's just that we get house points for achieving the subject in our classes. How are we going to get house points if we only talk about you?"

"By knowing the answers to the questions about me!" replied Lockhart. "For some extra fun, let's reenact my accomplishments! Harry Potter, I want you to be the vampire, so up front. And Gilderoy Lockhart will be played by none other than himself!"

It was the worst lesson Harry had ever had, and Lockhart was the most stuck up person Harry had ever met. Things didn't improve on the next lesson. To Harry's dismay, he was stuck playing a yeti with a head cold, while Lockhart rambled on and on about it.

"Then I performed an immensely complicated charm, the yeti suffered from an eternal head cold, and Greenland announced me their town hero!"

The students made no reaction, except for Hermione, who had been gazing dreamily at Lockhart, and now gave him a big grin.

"Oh, yes, I know. It's so amazing that you're at a loss for words," said Lockhart. "Yes, _Year With the Yeti_ is a great book. But what are your favorite parts?"

Hermione's hand shot up into the air.

"Ms. Granger?"

"Oh, I love all of them!" said Hermione breathlessly. "But my favorite part was in _Gadding With Ghouls_, when you captured that last one with the tea strainer!"

"Ah, yes. _Gadding With Ghouls._ Possibly my very favorite book!" Lockhart beamed. "What is your favorite part of my books, Mr. Malfoy?"

"The end," drawled Draco.

"Of course. The end. You enjoy how I list all the honors, medals, and awards I've received because of the accomplishments I've made?" Lockhart asked.

"No," said Draco. "I like the end because it's over."

The students all roared with laughter, except for Hermione, who turned around and glared at Draco.

"Well, Mr. Malfoy, I'm sure you'll have a favorite part once I tell you about my defeat of the Wagga Wagga Werewolf!" Lockhart announced. "Let's reenact this one too! Harry, come up here and act as the werewolf!"

Ron looked at Harry sympathetically as Harry got out of his chair and groaned. Harry spotted Draco smirking at him, and Lockhart spotted it too.

"Now don't be sad, Mr. Malfoy! You can reenact it with me next time. You're always scowling, don't you know how to smile?"

"Yeah," said Draco. "I know how to smile. And I will do so at your funeral."

Crabbe and Goyle gave loud, stupid grunts of laughter while Harry started to walk back to his seat, hoping he wouldn't have to act as the werewolf after all.

"Harry, come back here!" said Lockhart. "We were going to show my defeat of the Wagga Wagga Werewolf!"

Exasperated, Seamus Finnigan put his hand in the air.

"Mr. Finnigan?"

"Are you actually going to teach us something that doesn't have to do with you?"

"Why, certainly! I'll do it now!"

The class breathed a sigh of relief, but much too soon. Lockhart's next words were as self absorbed as his previous words were.

"Celebrity is as celebrity does. Fame is a fickle friend. Remember that."

"Why?" demanded Ron.

"Because fame may not be suited for you, as it is for me, and sometimes you will have to leave it, and not do things like flying cars to get yourself noticed."

"We didn't fly the car to school to be noticed!" shouted Harry angrily.

"That reminds me, who didn't get a signed photograph from Potter?" Draco asked loudly.

"I am NOT giving out signed photos!" yelled Harry.

"Signed photos?" Lockhart asked. "Harry, I told you. Just because a few people have heard of you doesn't mean you have to be giving out signed photos!"

"But I'm NOT giving out signed-"

"Excuse me."

It was Dumbledore at the door. "Um, Gilderoy? The bell did ring five minutes ago."

"Oh, it did?" said Lockhart. "Well then, class, we'll continue our discussion of fame next lesson."


	2. Chapter 2

The days before the next lesson, days without hearing anything about Lockhart, passed much too quickly. Before the second year Gryffindors and Slytherins knew it, they were having Defense Against the Dark Arts again. However, when the students reached the classroom, Lockhart was not there.

"Probably still in the Hogwarts Beauty Spa," Dean Thomas laughed to Seamus Finnegan.

"Hogwarts has a beauty spa?" Seamus asked.

Dean shrugged. "If they don't now, there's bound to be one by the time Lockhart leaves the school."

Hermione was the only one who looked sad about Lockhart's absence. She sat at her desk reading one of Lockhart's books, and looked up hopefully at the door every ten seconds.

"What's the matter, Granger? Miss the pea-brained teacher?" Draco asked her rudely.

"He's not pea-brained!" replied Hermione defensively.

Draco beckoned to Crabbe and Goyle. "Look here, boys! I think Granger _fancies_ Lockhart! Idiot and the Mudblood. What do you think of it?"

"Mudblood!" exclaimed Ron, turning around to Draco. "Don't call her that! Take this!" Ron raised his wand, but Harry grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"Harry!" Ron said, looking quite aggravated. "You don't stop me when I'm about to give Malfoy the payback he rightfully deserves!"

"No, it's not that," said Harry quickly. He pointed at Ron's broken wand. "It's just… maybe I better do it?"

"Oh, fine," Ron agreed, crossing his arms.

"Ah, Potter, going to fight for your Mudblood girlfriend?" Draco sneered. "Trouble is, she's in love with someone smarter than you."

"_Rictusempra!"_ Harry cried, and a blast of light came out of his wand at Draco, who fell over laughing.

Draco managed to get up and shout _"Tallentellegra!"_ back at Harry before dissolving into laughter again.

Harry was now forcibly made to dance, and then Lockhart walked into the room and saw the sight of both boys holding up their wands and struggling to say a jinx through their curses.

"You can duel! Yes, you can duel!" Lockhart cried. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Because you talked about yourself the whole day and never gave us a word in edgewise?" Ron muttered.

"Professor?" Hermione asked the beaming Lockhart. "Are you… Are you going to perform the counter curses?"

Lockhart hesitated, a slightly uncomfortable look briefly passing in his eyes, but he was back to his normal overly-cheery self when he said, "Miss Granger, if you do them, I'll award Gryffindor ten points.

Hermione beamed and expertly performed the counter curses. Harry muttered a thank you, while Draco just eyed her.

"You! Harry! Come up here!" Lockhart called.

"Are we reenacting your books again?" asked Harry, not bothering to conceal the miserable tone in his voice.

Lockhart didn't seem to have noticed.

"No, we're starting our new class project!" he said. "Mr. Malfoy, you come up here too."

"What kind of project is it?" asked Blaise Zabini.

"It's called 'Dueling Club'," said Lockhart. "Now, you two are both good duelers?"

Draco smirked confidently while Harry mumbled, "I suppose."

"Good. Harry, come here," said Lockhart, leading Harry a few feet away from Draco so that they were facing each other. "Now when Mr. Malfoy points his wand at you, I want you to do this…" he moved his wand around his fingers complicatedly, it slipped, rose in the air, and then fell to the ground.

"You want me to perform stupid looking Muggle baton-twirling with my wand and then drop it?" Harry asked.

But Lockhart had moved on to Draco.

"And you are going to do this…" Again Lockhart moved his wand around, and this time when it slipped it blew up a sculpture.

"Hey, I could get used to this…" said Draco, grinning.

"Good, something like that," said Lockhart, brushing his hands quickly. "Here is the exciting bit!" he called to the class. "It's not just your standard duel! Who else is good at dueling?"

Ron raised his hand. "My wand is kind of broken, though…"

"That's fine! Step up here, Mr. Weasley!" said Lockhart. "And one more! How about… Mr. Finnegan?"

Seamus stepped and joined them.

"Now at the count of three, raise your wand and shoot a spell. We'll have a four-way duel!" shouted Lockhart. "One… two… three!"

It was pandemonium with spells being shot in every direction. Seamus had completely missed and resulted in burning a little black hole in the wall, and Harry and Draco's spells had hit each other and then hit Lockhart in the face. He was now body-bound and yet trying to dance at the same time.

Whimpering slightly, Hermione hopped up from her desk again and performed the counter-curses on Lockhart.

"Thank you, Miss Granger! Ten points to Gryffindor! Five gold stars!" he said.

"Gold stars?" said a confused Draco, shaking his head. "What in the Dark Lord's name…?"

"I believe that's what you might have gotten in your primary school for achieving well?" asked Lockhart. Hermione nodded.

The conversation was cut short by Ron finally turning around and revealing to all that he was belching up slugs because his wand had backfired.

"Ewww!" squealed Lavender Brown. "Eww! There's a slug on me! Eww!"

"Don't fear! I saved a whole village from slugs before!" cried Lockhart. He pointed his wand at Ron and said, _"Slugonisio!"_ Far from stopping the slugs, the slugs shot out of Ron's mouth more rapidly. "Um… Mr. Weasley, maybe you should just go over to the Hospital Wing…"

Ron didn't waste a second and scurried out of the classroom fast as he could.

"All right, let's just try that again, you three," said Lockhart.

"What about us?" asked Parvati Patil.

"You just sit back and watch the magic that you classmates are creating!" said Lockhart.

"You mean we're not in the Dueling Club?" Lavender asked sadly.

"Now wait a minute! Just because you're not in the Dueling Club doesn't mean you're not _in_ the Dueling Club!" Lockhart told them.

"Yes, it does!" said Draco. "How can someone not be in the Dueling Club and be"- he made quotations with his fingers- "_in_ the Dueling Club? It's stupid!"

"We need people to be Seconds!" announced Lockhart. "To take over in case someone gets hurt, like Mr. Weasley did. Or if people die!" he added, his cheerful tone still not falling. "Who here can be a Second?"

Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini raised their hands, both shouting, "I want to be Draco's Second!" Draco grinned at the rest of the class.

"Good, good, and now for the rest of you that haven't been assigned something, stand up," said Lockhart.

"Can I… can I design special dueling outfits?" Neville asked.

"Certainly, fancy pants!" exclaimed Lockhart. "And make sure mine has an air of savoir fair!"

"You mean you're in the Dueling Club?" Hermione asked him eagerly.

"Yes! I will be the leader!" he said. "Now… Crabbe, Goyle, Miss Bulstrode, I want you to be on security and make sure no one knows what we're doing. As decent as learning the skill of dueling is, I'm not sure it goes along with the current curriculum! Mr. Thomas, I want you to be the designer of our merchandise, and also, while I'm busy, you will address my fan mail envelopes."

Dean muttered something to Neville that sounded an awful lot like, "_Merchandise? Fan mail?_ He must be crazier than I thought…"

Only Parvati, Lavender, and Hermione were left to be given a position. Lockhart looked at them. "And you three… you'll be groupies. Your job is to worship the Dueling Club! And you get to name our club too!"

Parvati and Lavender giggled excitedly, but Hermione looked disappointed.

"All right!" Lockhart clapped. "In order to have a good dueling club, you need to study your influences! Who are your influences? Miss Patil?"

"Professor Trelawney!" said Parvati, and Lavender added an enthusiastic nod.

"Ah, I see… Wait a minute! No! Someone else tell me…er… Mr. Thomas?"

"Dumbledore!" shouted Dean. After he shouted it, all the Gryffindors applauded in approval.

"No, no, no!" Lockhart said, waving his hands impatiently. "One more go. Mr. Malfoy?"

"The Dark Lord!" cried Draco proudly.

"No!" repeated Lockhart, who hadn't even registered that Draco's idol was an evil wizard who had done so much destruction and killed so many innocent people. Lockhart was only listening for his own name. "Your influence is _me!_ Just me! Haven't you been paying attention to everything I've written in my books?"

Harry would have dearly liked to roll his eyes with Ron at this moment, but because Ron was not in the room at the moment, he would just have to tell Ron later.

Hermione raised her hand again. "Oh, yes, Professor! I just love how you duel!"

"See?" said Lockhart. "Take a lesson from Miss Granger and adore my dueling style!"

Harry definitely knew he needed to roll his eyes now.

"Okay, now. To be a member of the club requires dedication," said Lockhart. "So you all will have to repeat after me: I pledge allegiance-"

"I pledge allegiance-" echoed the class.

"To the Dueling Club-"

"To the Dueling Club-"

"In Defense Against the Dark Arts class."

"In Defense Against the Dark Arts class."

"And I will duel-"

"And I will duel-"

"With my body, mind, and soul-"

"With my body, mind, and soul-"

"And I will read the books of and listen to my fabulous Professor-"

"And I will read the books of and listen to my-" there was a mumble of words that didn't sound anything like 'fabulous'- "-Professor-"

"Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile award!" Lockhart finished.

This last line confused the class very much. There was a loud mumble of people trying to remember the line.

"Gilderoy Lockhart, Fourth Class of the Order of Merlin-"

"No, I think it was second-"

"And seven-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Pants Award-"

"No, it was Honorary Member of Witch Weekly's Smiling Defense League-"

"Order of Defense, Fifth Award Class-"

It was only Hermione who got it right.

"Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award!" she recited.

"Very good, Miss Granger!" said Lockhart. "Ten more points to Gryffindor!" he looked at the class. "It's about time to leave. Now listen. Because the Dueling Club is so cool, everyone will want to be in it. So you can't tell anybody. Understand? No one."

"Oh, but Professor," Draco said in a mock-whine. "What if a reporter for _The Daily Prophet_ is interviewing me and wants to know what great ideas are coming from the idea of Gilderoy Lockhart? Can I tell them?"

Lockhart looked very troubled by this question, which appeared to be the exact reaction Draco wanted. He gave a grin toward Crabbe and Goyle.

"Well… no! No, don't tell! Just tell _The Daily Prophet_ that they'll have to wait to see what brilliant ideas I'm unveiling," Lockhart answered, quite satisfied. "Now, for homework, I want you all to look up some handy spells that would be very useful if you ever found yourself in a duel. Class is dismissed!"

The class exited in a bustle of discussion.

"Really, if we're getting to duel people and finish them off every day, this class might not be half bad. I'd like to finish off Lockhart, myself," Draco was saying to Crabbe, Goyle, Pansy, Blaise, and Millicent.

"Wouldn't blame him at times," Seamus Finnegan added to Dean Thomas as they left.

Hermione had also overheard Draco's comment and frowned at Harry. "That wasn't very nice. Lockhart really has come up with a great idea. I think a Dueling Club is just what this school needs."

"Hermione, he just increased the amount of slugs that Ron was vomiting up," Harry stated.

"Yes, and I do hope Ron is all right. Hopefully it's gone down so he won't be burping up slugs all over the books when he does his homework."

"I don't think Ron will be doing that work anytime soon," said Harry.

"But he must! Just look at it, you and Ron are in the actual dueling group! Even though I really don't understand the idea of four way dueling," said Hermione.

"I don't understand why you aren't being able to perform the spells with us," Harry commented. "You'd know more about them than anyone else. What good is it for you to go be a fan girl over Lockhart?"

Hermione turned a bit pink, but continued on. "I just wish I had more of an active part. I mean, I'm not _complaining_, but I wish there was more I could do for the Dueling Club."

"I'm sure there's plenty. You might as well help him run the class," said Harry. "I'm just a little concerned about what Lockhart's going to do with this thing."

Hermione nodded at him, and together they walked off to the Hospital Wing.


End file.
